I remember when

I remember when Grandma used to carry me out of the bath as a kid, she’d slather baby oil all over me and I’d fall asleep on her bed. I remember when I woke up when I was young, nobody was home and I had to pee, so I had to take my un-pottytrained self to the bathroom and pee all over the toilet seat and floor. I remember when I used to take my Grandma’s phone and download all these games and play them endlessly on her bed for hours, I remember it was over $300. I remember back in grade-school, I walked in on this very tall guy in the bathroom crying because he just got suspended. I remember back then when I was a kid, sitting in the backseat I realized that the tire was popped and nobody knew and everyone was genuinely amazed. I remember when I was young my dad used to record be with a 10lb. camera dancing in front of the T.V., he still makes fun of me for it to this day. I remember my gangster-stage, when I used to wear a 7-day rotation of baggy white t-shirts, blue jeans, and Air Jordans. I remember back in grade-school there was always this one day of the month where kids who did their homework enjoyed in room #1, and the kids who didn’t do their homework did even more work in room #2 - I never got to room #1. I remember doing so terribly in school before I moved, I practically failed every class and went out skateboarding every single day for hours. I remember when I got my first A, it brought a feeling I can remember forever. I remember hanging with my friends back then, we would skate then just pop the cap off tires and air it out for fun - I’m sorry. I remember when I got my first girlfriend in middleschool, it was a huge thing since we were the only couple. I remember skateboarding one day and we got kicked out by a security guard, I pulled down my pants showing him my ass then I tripped and even the security guard laughed. I remember my best friend all throughout school until I moved, a pretty, blonde, genuinely nice girl, who I now found out has now dropped out of highschool. I remember back in grade-school, I always had so many detentions that all I did was sit on the bench - But it’s okay all my friends were there too. I remember back in grade-school how this one girl just whooped out her purse out of nowhere and brought out her phone, iPod video, and music player, and asked if it was allowed (obviously it’s not) - She got it taken away it was pretty funny. I remember selling drawings in middle-school, I used to draw graffiti and customize wooden pencils with sharpies - I didn’t spend or even keep the money I just liked the idea of doing business, pretty sure I lost all the money. I remember feeling heartbreak for the first time after a relationship ended, my dad walked in the room and saw me crying then said it would be okay - we ended up laughing. I remember falling in love for the first time. I remember seeing my Dad work in Long Island throughout the week, leaving at 6am and coming home at 10pm, eyes bloodshot. I remember how hard my dad worked for me and how he did all these things just so I could live an easier life. I remember my constant weekend trips to New York City with my Grandma, we would always eat at some ridiculously expensive restaurant I remember when Grandma died, it was the first time I saw my dad breakdown and cry - I’ve seen him cry once my whole life. I remember the day my dad started going to church again, he would come home so peaceful-minded and positive. I remember the day after my accident - well I don’t. I remember seeing my dad struggle with medical bills, trying to calculate everything while being stressed. I remember the day we got through everything, the day my dad could finally relax. I remember the day after the constant day by day stress relief and fights, I remember how it was so peaceful and my whole atmosphere changed. I remember being hurt, I remember being happy. I remember that Sunday. I remember how I could hear my dad on the phone, telling relatives that he can get through this situation by himself. I remember how my dad always watched out for other people, making sure everyone else was settled way before him. 

I know my Grandma loved me

I know my Dad loves me

And I know God is forever watching above me, protecting me.

I am grateful. 

i remember a long long time ago when I was a kid the only song my dad would play in the car was “Dance With my Father” by Luther Vandross, after my grandpa passed. it came on the radio today, and just like that it hit me with so many memories ive forgotten about before when i was a kid. such a beautiful song, and without a doubt that’s the song i’ll be dancing with my dad to at my wedding.

10/14/14

sometimes it honestly sucks when things arent how they used to be

life has been very good to me :)

as of lately it’s hard for me to enjoy the happy moments in my life. Why? Because in my lifetime whenever I had a joyous, happy moment, i get shot down right after. and I’m not even some stupid emotional teenager who gets sad because my parents didn’t let me go out one night, i genuinely just get shot down multiple times. There have been very good time periods within my life that I’ve tried to enjoy to the fullest, and right after i get nothing but straight kicks to my chest kicking me all the way back down. everytime I feel like i’m comfortable in life and happy, something completely unexpected throws me down. it’s changed my view on everything, the trust i have in people, and my general mindset when trying to have a good time. i’m cautious, very cautious, because in the end it’s me, myself, and i. 

Trust nobody. Trust yourself and only yourself.

the most admirable quality of a good friend is when they are the same person they were in middleschool, freshmen year, and now. It’s so rare but something so good to see.

and its times like this where i remember exactly what i dont want to remember